The Trim Tab of My Listening by Carol Orndorff

Do you know you don’t listen….? I have examples of times you asked about the very thing someone just said. And you interrupt!

I always thought of myself as a good listener. People tell me that, and they also say I hear things most people don’t hear……..so what was Nancy trying to tell me?

Have I been fooling myself? Have others been kissing up to me? WHAT WHAT??

That was my initial reaction to Nancy’s assessment. I could tell she was a bit uncertain how to say that to me. And I also know that if Nancy Dorrier is giving me input, I ought better listen. Not because I’ll be in trouble if I don’t (although that young conversation is in the mix), it’s just that if she is going to bring this up, there really is something for me to take on. She is my champion, the very one I asked for.

And so I look.

I know I have a short attention span at times. No wonder that one of my listening filters is “get to the point.” One of the ways I have dealt with that is to engage in the conversation to keep myself in it.

I think often I think ahead to “where we need to go next” and then lose what the speaker just said. It’s hard for me to come up with an example because I do it so often that it seems normal to me.

Like this morning, I asked Liz about re-arranging some furniture to accommodate plants coming in the house. Midway into our project I went on to something else. When I heard Liz say, “Carol, you are being impatient,” I saw a version of this, first hand.

What I saw in that moment was that when Liz and I don’t move at the same speed, or she decides to get more involved in something, it’s hard for me to stay present. I get impatient and bored.  And when that happens, it puts people off.

So when did I develop this habit? Maybe a better place to look is at what practices I can create to listen longer…..stay present longer……and admit (in the moment) that I wandered off.