Dorrier Underwood

We love drama. The TNT network knows this, Hollywood knows this, and the folks at barber shops and beauty shops all over America know it. Drama is fun, juicy, it just feels good, and when you are feeling put upon or wronged, it seems like a sweet elixir, but it's really snake oil. It makes us think we'll feel better, but usually leaves us still feeling upset, or even more upset. And most drama, or at least the best drama, is just assessment and speculation. It is not the actual thing that is transpiring. It is the constellation of thoughts you have about the thing that happened, many of them fueled by the “being wronged-ness” of it all. What is fact is that "she talked while you were talking." It's an interpretation that doing that was "rude," and further interpretation that "She is rude." And it is interpretation that "being rude is why she is ineffective," and it is interpretation that she's "ineffective." But...

My 27 year old nephew is staying with us for a few days, in between one chapter of his life and the next. Last night, the house was quiet, and for the first time in a long time, we flowed into a conversation about Life that was simply exploration -- seeing, sharing, and wondering about things together. We talked about the evolution of technology, about artificial intelligence and virtual reality and how they might affect humanity in the years to come. And somehow we started laughing about how all the hoo-ha, the running around and busyness human beings create, starts to seem like what gives meaning to our existence. When really, even though we’re the only self-aware beings on the planet, what we need is simple: we need to eat, be safe and sheltered, and be in community. We love the hoo-ha, but it’s easy to forget that it’s not actually Everything. And then I told him about how, at work, we're re-designing a course we call "Advanced Mastery." Amidst all the h...

I’m one of those “shower singers.” I sing along in the car to songs that I love and don’t want others to hear, for fear of scaring them off.  Singing creates something in my body that matches my thoughts and emotions – all of it coming together. When I heard Elise Witt was performing at Oakhurst Baptist, I knew Liz and I had to go.  Elise has a reputation for creating singing communities. What makes her so special is the way she engages the audience to join in so that everyone comes together as one voice. Liz and I stumbled into her a couple of years ago at a concert where she was co-performing with another musician. I can’t remember the other performer’s name, but I sure remember Elise.  Singing with Elise made Liz and me want to get up and dance.   And so it was again.  We danced to her new song, My Salsa Garden. There was a young schoolgirl who led us, quite spontaneously.  Hopping off her father’s lap, she took her place in the ai...

“Listen, do you want to know a secret? Listen, do you promise not to tell? I am in love with you.” Listen, pay attention. There is someone there. Someone brilliant and you will see them if you listen and listen a little longer. At first and still, I have thought our new program on listening and love was about giving a gift, the gift of really listening without interrupting with your good idea or to make a joke or say what that reminds you of, etc.  Now, I think it is also about giving yourself that gift of discovery, that gift of seeing for the first time. What does this have to do with business strategy? With business success?  Except everything? At the end of the day no matter what the numbers, no matter how big the success was, it was the people. People that love to work together, think things through together, and pull together and celebrate a job well done or work out recovering from a failure together.  I got up this morning and ...

Time flies, and then it creeps.  Time is an animal that stalks me in my sleep. I am in a hurry to get things done so I can get some “down time.” Speed up to slow down. This is what I have learned about time. It varies with my level of engagement, with my mood. When I am enjoying myself I don’t notice the passage of time. When I am bored or distracted, I check my watch or my phone. Certain tasks take as long as they do, like making dinner or comforting a child. Other tasks must be completed in the allotted time, like getting to the airport. Time is in the hands of the clock-watcher: has it been “a whole hour” or “just an hour?” I walked out into the backyard at Mom and Dad’s place in northern Virginia on the morning after Christmas. I had our new black and white dog on a red leash as she ran into the snow! Realizing it was her first time in snow, I had to let her go off the leash for a few minutes at least!  Leaping, sliding, eating the crunchy white stuff c...