Deep Love by Nancy Dorrier

I have taken the garbage and recycles to the road for the Monday pickup, lots from a weekend full of visitors here for William's walk for curing Mitochondrial disease at Freedom Park

followed by submarine sandwich picnic named submarines


I guess because that is what the sandichese look like, one long baguette filled with meats, cheese and tapande and olive oil.

Sometimes I feel a kind of deep sadness
And today I have it
Not always provoked
But yet and still

There is the deep love I have for my grandchildren I have been with for the last 2 days

William, 4, of course jerking looking around smiling laughing pausing listening eternally floppy and our surprise child never knowing how much we take healthy strong children for granted and never knowing how we can deal with this again and again.

When we first heard of mitochondrial disease we looked on the intranet and the first sentence was “a form of dementia,” I don’t look on the intranet anymore.

Deep love

Deep love for Davis, 10, and his freckles and his enthusiasm and eagerness for everything, the escalators at the museum, pushing William at the walk, roasting huge marshmallows, writing with a charcoal stick on the rock, making a comic strip about reincarnation, saying being at the museum, that this is heaven, and I tell the curator.

Deep love for Alexander, 7, making it through the night, making his fort and having his book to read himself to sleep, sitting up and talking to himself that he can spend the night here and not be homesick, loving the outdoor shower long and hot in the cool of an October night, smiling with chocolate Oreo cookie in his teeth, crazy all of them for the hammock.

Deep love for Phillip, 10, being the oldest and telling us several times that he is and therefore he is the boss and Phillip finding each person little gifts under $15 at the museum shop including “Jewel” for William and can still at 10 can unabashedly at the park crawl into his mother’s lap

And then deep love for Julia, 8, Curling up with her mom, Telling me how much she loves her biddy babies American girl doll that I gave her for her 8th birthday just last week and thoroughly entertaining to Alexander at the museum planting and replanting artist Romare Bearden’s garden in the art room the place where you can touch the art, you can be loud, you can draw, and build towers and laugh.

Deep love, being alive emptying garbage and recycles and glad that I can do that.