Vices and Passions, by Ginny Brien

For a brief while this summer all of my children were up at Bill and Elizabeth Ross's farm. William flew the coop and his job after weeks of feeling down about it. The day before he called Elizabeth he said, "I've given up all my vices at once, smoking  daily, drinking daily," and I felt a little sick and then exhausted to have given him the space to use his money on self-destructive things. 

Hana was talking about people she's talked to who say they're fine with being a prostitute or male escort, and we were wondering whether it's really fine, or whether denial is at work and at some level they want more. 

I don't know. I do know this is not the first time William has given up his vices. Maybe it's the desire to please us, to look good, or maybe it's seeing, from time to time, the cost of the vices. I see the cost of eating wheat and milk, and I tolerate it. 

How do people shift to self-care? I think it's love, experiencing ourselves as loved, and valuable, and whole -- that lays the groundwork for more self-care. All I know is that beating myself up generally has the opposite effect of motivating me. It's like building on sand - my footing washes away. 

Our cucumbers grew by a third overnight in response to the rain. We are harvesting lettuce and chart and peppermint and carrots, blending them with frozen fruit into "blasts" - very refreshing. And Hana and I made dinner tonight - mushroom and asparagus risotto, and a big salad from our garden. I project 1-1/2 to 2 weeks more and the tomatoes will join the mix. We have our first yellow squash on the vine - I can't believe we planted 9 squash altogether, and 6 peppers and 3 eggplants, and about 15 tomatoes. 

Oh, I am happy when I am in my garden! And I learned today that dusting ashes over plants is a deterrent to rabbits - they are cute and I don't want them eating my beans!