The Truth About Eavesdropping, by Ken Cecil

By -



The rain lashed the dock, wave after wave of it, while I remained safely moored in a covered slip. It is during these enforced moments of solitude that I enjoy tinkering with my boat, reading and dozing.   

And that’s when I heard a couple--a man and a woman--two slips down from me.  He was directing her in no uncertain terms on how he wanted things done on the boat. And to hear him tell it, she was not listening very well.  The force of the rain in their exposed slip added pressure on this couple to cover up their boat quickly. 

Even so, I thought the man’s language was insulting.  In the world of fair-weather boaters, unfortunately, men all too often show up as domineering know-it-alls.  And all too often the object of their unpleasantness is women.  

As I listened I thought, “This is a great example of a ‘background of relatedness’ disconnect!  He’s shouting and calling names and making demands, and she’s not responding and just pressing on as if he weren’t even in the same county.” 

In that moment, I happily recalled how Penny and I had boated together as a team in seamless partnership and perfect alignment.  And then I came to my senses.  Of course I have been and will again be the same type of human as the one I was judging so harshly just a few feet away from the safe confines of my dry seat. 

These two people were obviously related. How they should be related was not something that could be voted on by outsiders. There was no right or wrong or perfect way for one human to relate to another.   

Achieving a background of relatedness requires work and a commitment to the work.  A commitment to listen and inquire and then test.  Retry some things and build agreements--implicit as they might be--to go deeper. All to become more and more related. 

Later in the day the weather lifted and gave us all a few hours to go out on the water. 

I arrived back to the mooring before the next storm and wondered if I would again witness another painful interaction when the couple docked to button up their ship. 

The rain began again as they returned. 

How different it all was!  I did not hear him offer a single cross word or critique.  He even complimented her on how well she was performing as first mate. 
 Wow, could it be I was listening for them as related this time?  Working to suspend my vote? 

Comments

Post a Comment

We appreciate your input and look forward to your comments. We review messages prior to posting.

Popular posts from this blog

What Is Left When We Leave the Room, by Nancy Dorrier

By -
Image
What is left of us when we leave the room, leave the call, leave the house, leave the party, and, of course, leave ultimately?  Perhaps our conversations--what we talked about and what we listened to. Plain and simple. What were we building on those empty lots of time? The weather was too hot and the traffic too much and parking places too hard to find. Were those worth the real estate they occupied? We have this moment, this precious moment, so tell me what you love about your life, what you love about your work, and what matters to you. Tell me about Billy Collins or Bruce Springsteen or Maya Angelou, who said, People don’t remember what you said; they remember who they were in your presence . Do people get bigger and brighter or smaller and duller around you? Make a list: Whom do you talk to and what you talk about? That’s the baseline. Make a second list: What could you talk about with them that you aren’t now? And what could you ask t
Read more

Guns, by Jane Smith

By -
My father killed himself with a perfectly legal handgun left over from his law enforcement days.  He kept it long after he retired, in the top drawer of a mahogany chest of drawers in our big hall, unloaded but right beside the ammunition. My brother and I knew not to touch it…not ever. Dad was troubled about his health, and the gun was handy and available that December morning. I don’t know if he would have used another method. I just know he didn’t.
Read more

Angkor Wat in Cambodia by Nancy Dorrier

By -
February 4, 2013 Today we went to Angkor Wat in Cambodia at Siem Reap. Ket was our guide and he warned us he was not a cat herder! We thought our guide might be Hoy who told us stories last night and this morning of the killing fields But we ended up on bus 3 with Ket very fluent in  English and knowing the history of 12th century Angkor Wat, translation "city temple".  Once Hindu and then Buddhist.  Cambodians call themselves as do Thai, Hindu Buddhists I got the book The Gods Drink Whiskey: Stumbling Toward Enlightenment in the Land of the Tattered Buddha that tells of the middle way, the way between pure philosophy, texts and analysis and on the other hand, practices, daily life and the heart and soul of Buddhism.   Sitting in the Sofitel hotel after an incredible Thai massage with several beautiful flight attendants staying for the night here, too, in their ivory suits with turquoise blouses with bows at the neck. So a mixture of the killing fie
Read more