The Truth About Eavesdropping, by Ken Cecil

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The rain lashed the dock, wave after wave of it, while I remained safely moored in a covered slip. It is during these enforced moments of solitude that I enjoy tinkering with my boat, reading and dozing.   

And that’s when I heard a couple--a man and a woman--two slips down from me.  He was directing her in no uncertain terms on how he wanted things done on the boat. And to hear him tell it, she was not listening very well.  The force of the rain in their exposed slip added pressure on this couple to cover up their boat quickly. 

Even so, I thought the man’s language was insulting.  In the world of fair-weather boaters, unfortunately, men all too often show up as domineering know-it-alls.  And all too often the object of their unpleasantness is women.  

As I listened I thought, “This is a great example of a ‘background of relatedness’ disconnect!  He’s shouting and calling names and making demands, and she’s not responding and just pressing on as if he weren’t even in the same county.” 

In that moment, I happily recalled how Penny and I had boated together as a team in seamless partnership and perfect alignment.  And then I came to my senses.  Of course I have been and will again be the same type of human as the one I was judging so harshly just a few feet away from the safe confines of my dry seat. 

These two people were obviously related. How they should be related was not something that could be voted on by outsiders. There was no right or wrong or perfect way for one human to relate to another.   

Achieving a background of relatedness requires work and a commitment to the work.  A commitment to listen and inquire and then test.  Retry some things and build agreements--implicit as they might be--to go deeper. All to become more and more related. 

Later in the day the weather lifted and gave us all a few hours to go out on the water. 

I arrived back to the mooring before the next storm and wondered if I would again witness another painful interaction when the couple docked to button up their ship. 

The rain began again as they returned. 

How different it all was!  I did not hear him offer a single cross word or critique.  He even complimented her on how well she was performing as first mate. 
 Wow, could it be I was listening for them as related this time?  Working to suspend my vote? 

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