Dorrier Underwood

My grandson, Phillip, 16, and I just returned from a vacation in California.    He was the last of the grandchildren to go on “a Nana trip,” and we planned the trip with the redwoods in mind. I was happy he hadn't aged out of spending time with his grandmother.   Around Christmas last year, I wondered to Phillip and his brother Alexander if I would ever become a boring grandmother, if at some point their friends and girls would be more interesting so they wouldn’t want to visit.  “No way,” they said. “We will bring our friends and girls, and oh Nana, you will never be boring.”   So okay, not boring.  Sometimes hard of hearing and not getting the joke, but not boring. And they are happy to repeat themselves and explain the jokes. On the trip to California, Phillip and I saw the redwoods, lots of them. Phillip had his daddy’s drone with him, which he had stayed up late to fix before our early morning flight.  He filmed from the bottom to...

It was Saturday, my typical run-errands day. My list included groceries, a bolt, and a tube of caulk that Phil needed to move the towel holder, which is turning into quite a project. And, oh yeah, a new hair brush from Sally’s Beauty Supply, not on the list but important because I needed it for our upcoming vacation.   I complete everything in short order (so efficient!), and as I unload the grocery bags from the trunk, I remember the brush.    Does that ever happen to you? The one thing you know you will remember turns into the one thing you forget? When I go to the grocery store without a list, I may or may not get what I went in for, and I may buy other things that trigger a “get that” response. If I don’t see the thing I went in for, well…who knows? One of the distinctions of Dorrier Underwood’s work is existence . That means that things--read ALL THINGS--need to have a physical location to exist. If something is only in our minds, it doesn’t have any re...

It was about 11:00 p.m. when I heard my husband Robert hollar, “WOAH!!!” from the bedroom. I could tell this was a hollar that signaled, “HELP NEEDED, NOW,” versus an exclamation produced by seeing something cool on his iPad. Sure enough, as I leapt down the stairs two at a time, I heard, “THERE’S A BIRD IN HERE. CAN YOU PLEASE HELP?” In the home we share with two dogs and three indoor/outdoor young cats, we have an agreement: if a critter is alive and in the house, it’s my job to catch and release. If it’s dead, Robert’s on clean-up duty. This was clearly an “alive” situation, and realizing that, I took a deep breath as my feet touched the first floor, steadying my energy to interact calmly with our frightened feathered guest. As I skidded to a halt in the bedroom door, I could see something whirling fast around the room in absolutely perfect circles, flying at a level just under the whirring ceiling fan, not touching a thing. As I looked closer, I noticed an umbrell...

It’s a mystery to me!  I looked outside and the first, the one-and-only tomato, on one of our two tomato plants, was gone.  It hadn’t quite ripened and I was going to give it one more day and then pick it.  I had thought about bringing it in a day early and letting it ripen inside, but I felt like if it ripened on the vine it would be tastier. Now, it’s gone.   I asked Cliff if he picked it.  He said, “No.” We both looked at each other.  He said, “Did you pick it?” (I am not sure if he was serious or teasing.) Now the “What’s happened.” is “The tomato is gone.” The story that we tell about it is actually stories plural.   An animal picked it. A squirrel took it. I’ve seen big rabbits around. A rabbit ate it. A neighborhood child stole it. Neighborhood kids have been canvassing our tiny deck garden for years, looking forward to taking that one-and-only, prized-by-me tomato. And Cliff had another story: “Kimber...

Integrity, what is it? Doing what works, doing what you say you will do, and on time. Integrity, Principles, stories to follow... Being related and integrity are the source of results, and that is it. Look there strategically. Are you building relationships? Are you being true to your word? To your strategy? Being true to your values Being true to your standards and ideas Being true to who you have said your self to be Guilt and shame is not integrity They are internal states. You are loyal to your internal state (how you feel) At the cost of being out here Related in the world You are dancing with disempowering conversations You could give your word not to do that When you notice a disempowering conversation When you notice being loyal to how you feel about it Unless you are lit up and empowered by how you feel, but mostly regarding not keeping your word, you are ashamed, guilty and embarrassed All of which are internal states Jus...

Making transformation last or letting it go and then starting over An opening for love was present in Congress after the shooting at the baseball field where Republican Congress people and staff were practicing for their game against the Democrats.   At the Capitol and at the White House, there was a somber mood, preceded by shock, then condolences and love and a commitment to harmony and affinity in the midst of disagreement about policy. Compromise and coming to decisions for our country--that's the job of leadership. At first I was thinking I could write about making transformation last, but  it   doesn’t,   just like everything else: objects, political parties in the majority, good moods, bad moods, marital bliss. Transformation exists over time by our continuing to create it.   We create it in conversations for a new human being, a new relationship, making new vows and promises. We create it and recreate it.   We apologize for where we...

I often hear from people on the leadership team of one client that their boss (call him “Fred”) is not very “transparent” with them.  Lack of transparency is easy to complain about when people feel like they don’t know what’s going on or they’re concerned that they are being left “out of the loop.” People expect and even demand transparency of others, and yet as leaders we can easily overlook our own tendency to be vague or even unintelligible with the people who depend on our leadership. Merriam Webster defines transparency as the quality or state of being transparent,  and then goes on to define the root word as:  free from pretense or deceit :   frank  easily detected or seen through :   obvious   readily understood  characterized by visibility or accessibility of information especially concerning business practices. I’ve made it a practice to have Fred open all of our team sessions, welcoming his people and confirming his co...

Having a big vision is a mixed blessing. For one thing, the bigger the vision, the more likely Integrity is on its way out. Growing up, I heard a lot about "doing business on a handshake," which meant honorable people kept their word to each other even without a signed document. It was understood that “forgetting about" the agreement cemented by that handshake—or waffling on it—would damage one’s reputation in the community. A promise does not exist in isolation. The issue of integrity is not a personal issue. There is always somebody else involved—or many somebodies. My first thought when I'm not going to make a deadline is that I'm bad. It takes effort to set aside "showing how sorry I am," so I can remember the strategic purpose that my promise serves. It also takes compassion (on the part of the person who made the promise and the person to whom something has been promised) to let go of blame, so we can focus clearly on what needs to happe...

"I am thinking about how I was great in high school Marching Band. I could play my instrument and do all kinds of tricks on the football field. But if I had to march today, I’d be more than rusty. I’d be petrified … in several meanings of that word!" ~ Kimberly Chatak-Nelson Used by as a distinction What does it mean to be “used by” something, when the something becomes so much a part of you that you don’t even have to think about it any more--the way Heidegger says you don’t use a language so much as the language uses you?  You don’t think it; it thinks you. Talking about this with our office manager, Kimberly, I said I’m completely “used by” not only English but English grammar as well. The correct usage for lie/lay, that/which, the “if clauses”--no thought necessary. It can’t have always been that way for me, but, at 73 years of age, I can’t remember when it was any other way.  French is another matter. Kimberly said she remembers when mothe...

It’s the irony, right? None of us can make our company’s vision or team goals come to life on our own, but it can so often seem that it’s all those other people who get in the way of doing our part. Thanks to my colleague Gary, I recently had a revelation about dealing with that very thing. It was lunchtime on the second day of a three-day program he and I were co-leading. As we drove to Jason’s Deli, we talked about where we should dig in deeper with participants and where things were going well and with whom. And then Gary said, “Well, all that aside, how are you doing?” As soon as he asked, I realized my body felt like dead weight and I could have taken a nap right then and there. “I’m tired,” I said, “which doesn’t make any sense, because I slept really well last night.” There are some kinds of tired that don’t have anything to do with the physical mechanics of our body. They’re the kind brought on by mental/emotional “stuff.” As I let myself slow down a...